Amidst the Trembling, there is Joy

There are moments in life when you realize you are standing at the edge of something you once only dreamed about — and the emotions that come with that moment don’t arrive neatly packaged.

They come all at once.

Pride. Gratitude. Fear. Excitement. Vulnerability. Relief. Trepidation. Joy.

My book, Shadow of Joy launches on April 20, and as that day draws closer, the reality of it feels bigger than I ever expected. This isn’t just a launch date on a calendar. It is a tangible reminder of a journey — a long, complicated, painful, deeply personal journey that brought me here.

We’ve talked before about coercive control — about the way it slowly strips away identity, autonomy, and voice. How it doesn’t always look like what people expect, but how deeply it reshapes the way someone sees themselves. Living under that weight changes you. It narrows your world until you forget who you were before it.

And yet… somewhere inside, the smallest flicker of truth remains.

The journey toward freedom isn’t a single moment. It’s a thousand quiet decisions. It’s choosing to listen to your own voice again when it feels unfamiliar. It’s learning to trust yourself after being taught not to.

It’s the slow, brave work of rediscovering who you were meant to be. Remembering who you were.

Writing this book has been part of that rediscovery for me. And now, standing here on the verge of releasing it into the world, I feel everything. The pride of having done something real and meaningful. The courage it took to walk this path. The awe of knowing that something once so personal is now becoming tangible — something that will exist beyond me.

But alongside that pride lives another feeling: vulnerability.

Stepping into a new space always brings uncertainty. There’s a quiet trembling that comes with allowing your story — and your heart — to be seen. There’s a question that whispers, Am I ready for this? 

And the honest answer is that readiness doesn’t always come first.

Sometimes courage comes first, and readiness follows.

What grounds me is purpose. This book isn’t just about my journey. It’s about shining a light on the reality and impact of coercive control and domestic abuse — the emotional layers that often go unseen. It’s about helping women recognize their experiences, find language for what they’ve lived, and understand that they are not alone.

Because the truth is this: healing is possible.

Joy is possible.

Finding your voice again is possible.

And when you begin that journey, something remarkable happens — you realize that the version of you you thought was lost was never gone. She was waiting. Quietly. Patiently. Ready to come home.

Right now, as I stand between where I have been and where I am going, I feel overwhelming gratitude. Gratitude for the path that shaped me. Gratitude for the strength I didn’t know I had. Gratitude for every step that led me here.

And I also know this is not the end of the journey. It’s simply a new chapter.

There is still more healing. More growth. More purpose ahead.

If you are reading this and you are somewhere on your own path — whether you are just beginning to question, beginning to heal, or stepping into your own new chapter — I hope you know this:

You are allowed to feel all the big feelings. The pride and the fear. The excitement and the uncertainty.

They can exist together.

And you are allowed to choose yourself.

You are allowed to rediscover your voice.

You are allowed to come back to who you were always meant to be.

And when you do, you will find something waiting there for you — something steady, something true.

You will find your joy.